As I continue to look for the presents under the Christmas tree on this, the 25th of December, a thought just occurred to me.
I don’t have a tree.
Santa skipped over my house this year. I should have seen it coming and it really should not come as any surprise. And it’s not that I have been particularly bad this year, I’ve pretty much been as bad as I usually am, year in, year out…but for some odd reason this year I feel left out. It is true I am against mass marketing ploys that demand I buy stuff I don’t need, and that nobody I know will need. And the very idea of people being shot at or mauled in malls across this country for things nobody would ever need, leads me to conclude I am right in my disdain in matters of conspicuous consumption and greed. But for some odd reason I still feel left out?
I was never one to want to be a part of the in crowd…really…It just so happened I was. I didn’t know it at the time, I was too busy with my own feelings of inadequacy and social failure…so there you go. And now, being overlooked at Christmas time…by…everyone, brings me back to my pimpled youth and those same feelings that I do not fit in, anywhere…can you imagine?…being shunned by Santa!
This begs the question…did I buy anything for anyone? Of course not… like I said, I don”t believe in this shit. No way am I going to subject myself to parking lot shoot outs and mass hysteria in the shoe department at my local mall. But still…every year, something inside me insists I drop to my knees in front of a dead pine tree and look for a fabulously wrapped something with my name on it, guaranteed to be the answer to my dreams….and year after year, no tree, no presents, no hope for that special something to make the world a special place…at least for a day.
So, Sunday phlegm chest clearing moment. GET OVER IT! My father was a jew and my mother a protestant. All the rights of the chosen people with none of the guilt…Christmas and Chanukkah gifts! And now?…nothing but this pathetic blog and a whine in my heart…
Let me say right now. I feel better already. I have so many things that…that…I will not, never could say, “I am grateful for”…those gratitude people really bug the shit out of me…but, I have a lot ok? There, I said it.
I have a lot.
Good friends, a leg of lamb in the oven, two dogs I love dearly, my dear partner who I should have divorced a quarter century ago but didn’t, he really is a nice person…I’m not, but that’s another story…and this really is about stories…right?
“I’ve always been a liar, but never been a cheat, stole the time from many of ya’s but never been a thief.”
This is a music blog…just so you all know, the drum tracks are done for the CD, vocals and guitars next, then the sweetness…accordion, cello, more wicked guitar…then it will all belong to you!
luv you everyone…don’t look so hard for the answers…sometimes they are slipperier then owl shit…and you already know ’em anyhow.