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Sunday with Mom

Never much cared for Hallmark Card holidays…Coca Cola Christmas, Cadbury Easter…belated Birthdays and middle school graduations…new babies, new puppies, new car…Get Well cards, and My Sympathy for your loss cards are ok I suppose, but if I were feeling sick or recovering from gallbladder surgery, if I had just lost someone near and dear to me I think I’d rather you just drop by and say hello, or bring over some soup or something rather then putting your dollars into some multi-national, non tax paying corporation…emotional manipulation for corporate profit never really sat well with me…especially when I am missing a galbladder or loved one…

I do have a heart. Really. I saw it beating during my last ultra sound…A-fib you know…there it was, on a screen, the Russian doctor pointing out each valve, Aortic – check, Mitral – check, can you please roll to your side and hold your breath, Pulmonic – check, Tricuspid – check…it’s my Mitral valve that seems to be misbehaving…but, there it was, my heart. I saw it plain as day on the monitor. Beating.

My mother had a heart. A wicked tongue and shopping bag full of opinions but an exceptionally kind heart. She loved a good laugh and all my friends adored her. Her generation, especially those from the Protestant side of the bible, and earlier, those from the white European invasion of the early 18th century, came to these shores with some peculiar habits and beliefs when it came to child rearing. Guilt and shame not exclusive to any one culture or ethnic class of course…but those Protestants…let’s just say, oh, let’s not…it’s Mother’s Day after all.

It’s Mother’s Day and I won’t be buying any cards, chocolates, perfume, silk scarves…I will be cutting some flowers from my garden…placing them in one of the fabulous vases that were, my Mothers’…vases that somehow landed in my possession after she left us…and I do love the cute, hand made stuff that kids make, stuff from the heart that they so lovingly wrap and present to Mom on Sunday…see, I do have a heart.

So, I would like to dedicate this rant to my Mom, a Mom who did the best she could do with the fucking mess of a child that was me…

Mom, thanks to you I don’t steal, and only lie on occasion, and just those little white lies that don’t hurt anyone, and no one really believes anyway…Mom, thanks to you I make full stops at stationary stop signs…and remember to use my turn signals, and Mom, while shopping, I only eat a few pieces of fruit, or candy, or those fancy nuts and olives on display at those hipper then thou organic markets, without paying for them (not really stealing right Mom?)…Mom, thanks to you I work hard and know that no matter what job I may hold, from dishwasher to teacher to artist, the important thing is to show up on time, do the best you can do, and try to keep the complaining and whining to a minimum because nobody enjoys a whiner (still working on this one Mom)…Mom, thanks to you I’ve somehow managed to stay with the same partner for 25 years because you taught me that no one and nothing will ever be perfect, and when there is conflict it is usually because you have been an asshole and haven’t taken the time to listen to the other point of view…really working on this one Mom…and Mom, even though you had such unreasonably strong opinions on just about everything, even things you knew nothing about, you still somehow managed to judge, without being judgmental…for this lesson, I truly am thankful…and like so many of the other lessons you left me with, I haven’t quite got them all figured out but I am still trying Mom…and Mom…I sure do miss you an awful lot…and I know what you would say, I can hear it now, “Oh hell, I was old, my back hurt, my head hurt, I couldn’t shit without someone wiping my ass, I peed the bed, had diaper rash, food was no longer a pleasure, there comes a time when taking up space is just not enough…”

So Mom, I guess you traded in taking up space for traveling through space…good career move, you always were one step ahead of the curve. Hope to see you there someday…

be good to your Moms everyone…

Luv RV

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About My Personal Mess

Musician Songwriter

3 responses to “Sunday with Mom

  1. With tears in my eyes, I honor you for this Ray, you never end surprising me. Well done!!!

  2. Mark Myers ⋅

    Love this!

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